Be motherly! Caring about yourself vs. caring for others
Essay by Lea Streisand, who is writer and a Radio Eins columnist
Dear friends, I’m very sorry, but the more I think about the word courage, the more stupid I find it. What is courage anyway? Am I courageous? Are you?
In 1784, Kant wrote “Have courage, your own understanding to serve you!”1 and made that sentence a guiding principle of the Enlightenment. Enough with the lies from the Dark Ages, give us the shining light of reason!
What’s ironic is that the people from the so-called Anti-Corona demonstrations are using that exact sentence on the banners they use to protest against the curtailing of their basic rights, as which they see wearing masks, closing pubs, and cancelling football games. And they feel really courageous doing so. My Uncle George is one of them. He is an event manager and doesn’t stop going on about an “employment ban”.
I get a headache from rolling my eyes so much. The coronavirus is real and it can’t be discussed away. Courage won’t help us here. Surely, the just about sitting US president thinks he’s courageous for not wearing a mask and for putting his own opinion over a majority of people who voted him out.
That’s the thing about the bold and the daring. They overcome obstacles, rise up, and do stupid things. I remember my Uncle George balancing on a roof ridge once. He did it just to show that he can. He could. But had he fallen down, we would have to clear up after him. That’s the problem with being daring. For me, it’s too emotional, too heroic, not reasonable enough. In short: it’s too selfish.
Have you heard the story of “The Timid Rabbit”? It goes like this: “Once upon a time there was a timid little rabbit who lived with his dear grandma, who unfortunately was also quite timid indeed.”2 The timid little rabbit is a chubby baby rabbit who is scared of almost everything (water, dogs, darkness, older boys), which is why he prefers playing with little Ulli, another baby rabbit, who is of no danger to him. But one day the fox comes to the village and kidnaps little Ulli. And the timid little rabbit? He does what has to be done, beats up the fox, and saves little Ulli. Afterwards, he gets a medal from the mayor that says “For courage”. All this because the timid little rabbit did the obvious thing and protected his friend He “took heart” as they say, because courage comes from “cor” meaning heart in Latin.
When I think about taking risks, I weigh them first and think about what happens when I fail. How big is the loss and who will be affected? The timid little rabbit found a quick answer to these questions. If he fails, little Ulli will be eaten. If he does nothing, he will be, too. He has nothing to lose. Except for little Ulli… you know what I mean.
You know what else I think about when I hear the word courage? “Mother Courage”. One of the most courageous people I know is my friend Frieda. She is only 1.50 metres tall, wears glasses, lost both parents at an early age, and lived with her older sister. Frieda got through her GSCEs alone, travelled the world, went to university, got a job, and started a family. She did all this because she wanted to and it was right for her. Frieda went partying with us, got drunk, and sometimes landed in bed with the wrong guys. But she never hesitated. Simply, because she couldn’t. Frieda had to take responsibility for herself so early on that certain questions didn’t even occur to her. While we rebelled against our parents and skipped school, Frieda packed her bags and moved away from her sister’s into her own flat as soon as she turned 18. Then she unpacked the box with her school things and continued studying for her next exam.
Recently she broke up with her boyfriend and moved into a new flat with her daughter. Because the guy cheated on her. He got the neighbour pregnant. He very courageously cheated on his girlfriend with the women next door. Donald Trump and Uncle George would love it, I’m sure. Frieda’s boyfriend is baffled. He’s sitting on the coach, smoking a joint and is about to lose another construction job, because he can’t get off his arse.
Frida has had enough. She did the only right thing. For herself and her daughter. She wasn’t courageous but motherly. She took responsibility.
1 Immanuel Kant: Beantwortung der Frage: Was ist Aufklärung?
In: Berlinische Monatsschrift, eds. F. Gedike and J. E. Biester, 12/1784.
2 Elizabeth Shaw: Der kleine Angsthase. Berlin 1964.